I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
