we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm sobbing to NWA
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
