So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
