It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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