I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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