so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
