He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
