I looked at my own cervix.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
