oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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