Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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