All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
