Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
this is an emotional support booty call
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
