i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
