I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
