You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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