So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
