We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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