All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
