just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize