Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
