Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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