I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
