my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize