you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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