So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How external is "for external use only"?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
