I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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