Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
