Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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