I feel like abortions should bother me more
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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