ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
