Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
