chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
