At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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