You really coming over, don't trick.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
