im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
