I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
