her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
