in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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