you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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