You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
