I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
