K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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