wrigley field is MILF paradise
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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