I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
