Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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