I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
