You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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