i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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