I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
