Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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