Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
