who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
