I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
