I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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