You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
