u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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