I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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