I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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