shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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