trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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