Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize