i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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