Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
