I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
