please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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