dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He uses pillows to masturbate.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
