guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
