the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
