I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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