apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
