just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
