Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
