Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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