Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
