Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
