a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
