Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize