I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
someone owes me an orgasm
what day is it and did you see me today?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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