Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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