Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
