ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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