I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
