Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
