He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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