tell your sister to shave her snatch
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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