once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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