Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
