Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
