Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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