speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I wear drunk well.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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