Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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