I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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