He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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