I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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