And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
