R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
