There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
