So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
