My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You smell like a Billy Joel song
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
