Swine flu. Run for my life!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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