This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
my liver is dry heaving
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
