Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
