Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
